The Cold Penguin

expanding the box

A summary of my life at this moment

on August 10, 2014

I have this song stuck in my head.  Animal by Neon Trees.  Specifically the beginning.  “Here we go again….”

Our difficulties and problems always seem to come back to us.  Like a boomerang.  I’ve been trying my best to deal lately by focusing on other things.  Work, family, taking care of others, and just going through the motions of self-care but not really putting my heart into them.  And I realized, I need to recognize my difficulties.  It’s not a bad thing to admit you are struggling.  It’s actually a show of strength to admit that you are frustrated, scared, lost.

And while I’m not in despair or depression, I am a bit anxious and frustrated.  And that’s ok.  That’s not weak.  That’s life.

My best way of dealing with these issues is through words.  And as I’ve seen my most trusted ears get a bit tired of hearing about my issues over and over again, I’m turning my blog into my ear for a bit.  I promise not every post will be whiny, woe is me, victimized ranting.  That’s never fun to read.  But I will be going off my focus for a bit until I can get my footing.  And then, the blog will be (hopefully) be reborn into its true intention.

So what’s up with my life right now?  Not one major thing.  Lots of little things.

  • My health:
    • I still have some minor personal health issues I’m dealing with.  I’ll spare you the details, but it still gets to me whenever I see symptoms pop up.  While it’s treatable, it does require a trip to the doctor to get prescriptions, and it is unpleasant and somewhat disheartening that I still am susceptible to this issue.
    • I did a great job on the 21 day fix, but after the program stopped, and my stresses remained, the weight started coming back.  I’m starting the PiYo challenge tomorrow but I’m pretty sure I’ve regained all the weight I lost on the 21 day fix in these past couple weeks.  I’m disappointed in myself that I let that happen.
    • My allergies.  Yikes.  So I’ve been on the “nickel free” diet for a week now, with no real improvement in my lips.  To be fair, I did eat a ton of foods I wasn’t suppose to eat on Sunday as a farewell of sorts and I woke up with a pretty bad reaction on my lips.  It’s been a week, and somewhat better but not a lot.  But these reactions do take a long time to clear.  It’s just frustrating that I’m eating food I’d rather not be eating (especially the not as healthy options) and not seeing results.  I have to do this program for a month at least to try to clear the reaction.  1 week down.  My tummy definitely feels the difference in eating though (not in a good way!)
  • My family’s health:
    • My mother-in-law’s surgery was a success, but she is still in a health battle.  This is stressful for so many reasons, of course the main one being that it’s difficult to see a family member struggle with serious health issues.
    • My dog is healing.  Slowly.  We’ve be taking her to doggie rehab where they have been working on speeding up her recovery from 2 very strained hip extensor muscles.  She seems to be more “bouncy” and happy, which we take to mean she’s feeling better.  Though we do still see her gait and sitting pattern are not quite up to par, so she is definitely not healed.  She is tired of being cooped up to reduce her movement.  Poor thing!
  • My career:
    • I’ve decided to go after what excites me career-wise.  That does scare me a bit, but it’s a great thing.  I have always loved fitness and have extensive training, education and job experience in the field.  I did switch fields for a while to focus on my own health issues.  It’s hard to take care of yourself when your job is to take care of others.  And it has been very difficult to get back into that field now that my health issues (except for the minor one’s listed above) are under control.
    • I am still working, and ok with it, but it doesn’t excite me, which frustrates me.

I think that’s it, although I’m so tired right now there is probably more things on my shoulders that I have “forgotten” about.  It will all come out in due time though, I’m sure.

So there we have it.  I’m not sharing this for pity or to bum anyone out.  I’m just sharing this as a starting point.  I’ve been trying so hard to be happy and excited about the future, that I’ve neglected the little things that are nagging at me.  It’s time I fix that.  So the first step is airing it all out.  These things cause me much distress.  Now, it’s time to work on them so they don’t!

Tomorrow I will report my weigh-in.  I’m scared, but it will happen.  I’ll also keep you updated on my PiYo challenge, my low nickel diet, and everything else in my life.  Hopefully sharing these things will be of some benefit to all of us – motivation, relation, and just a sense of letting go of burden, even if just for a brief moment.

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