The Cold Penguin

expanding the box

Eight Fears

on June 11, 2014

Next on my 10 Day You Challenge, 8 Fears.

10DayYouChallenge_thumb

I actually did a little work on this yesterday, not knowing that fears were coming up on this challenge, as part of my weekly challenge to figure out me.

Now, this list won’t include things like spiders or heights – which coincidentally I’m not afraid of either.  It will be more deep.

  1. Fear of Failure.  I’m constantly avoiding trying new things because I’m afraid I can’t do it.  I don’t want to look like a fool in front of other people and it drives me insane when I can’t do something!
  2. Fear of rejection.  I try to act all tough, like I don’t care what people think of me.  But I do.  The only time I don’t care is if I don’t actually like the person who is “rejecting me” as well.  Then I can explain away the reasons they don’t like me by what I consider their bad traits.  Not exactly healthy.
  3. Fear of abandonment.  Stems from my childhood.  Absent father, latchkey kid, a story many people have as well.  But I’m always scared that people I care about are going to just decide one day they don’t like me anymore and walk away.
  4. Fear of wasting my life.  I feel like everyone should have some purpose in their life – whether it is big (world leader) or small (family leader) or somewhere in between.  I don’t feel as though there is a purpose in my life right now and I’m not sure where to look for it.  It scares me that I may never find out what I should be doing or how I can make a difference.
  5. Fear of being tongue-tied.  I get tongue-tied a lot!  I’ve always been on the quiet side, and growing up I didn’t have a lot of people to talk to, so I never really learned how to chat with people.  And being the introvert that I am, I never tried to learn chit-chat since it doesn’t appeal to me.  When I meet a new person, I instantly get a little nervous due to my fear of rejection.  I don’t want to make a fool of myself and have them think I’m stupid, weird, etc.  And this fear creates a big void in my brain where conversation comes from – and I just can’t talk.  I am getting better.  Working in the customer service field for years has taught me that I can use my work skills in everyday life as well.  (I’ve always been able to chit-chat with customers – it’s work, and I can do work!)  But there are still times when I meet a person, like a co-worker of my husband’s or someone I think is “cool” and I get nervous and the words just won’t come.  I avoid social situations due to this fear.
  6. Fear of not belonging.  You can tell a lot of my fears are social ones, right??  Well, this one is probably a combination of some of my other fears – but I always am afraid to be the outcast of the group.  And being the quiet one, I’ve definitely been that more than my fair share of times!  But I hate the feeling of being invisible, or being alone even though you are surrounded by people.  That feels worse than actually being alone.  And in larger groups, it’s easy for me to fade into the background and just feel rotten about myself!
  7. Fear of crowds.  And this isn’t because of social situations.  I just hate being surrounded by people.  I’m barely over 5 feet tall so I tend to get lost in crowds.  And when people feel the need to push by you, I basically get trampled due to my size.  Being surrounded by people has always caused me a lot of anxiety and I have to get either on the edge of the group or out of the situation all together.
  8. Finally, I’ll end with a fear that’s not so deep.  Snakes.  Snakes freak me out.  I jump around and squeal like a little girl when I see a snake.  Luckily there’s not many in the neighborhood I live now, so I haven’t had to do my freaked out dance in quite a while.  I hope to keep it that way!!

fear

 

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