The Cold Penguin

expanding the box

Take the bad with the good

on April 3, 2014

I’ve been wanting to write for a while but time has not been my friend lately.

My work schedule changed and that has thrown me for a big time loop!  I’m hoping I will adjust soon, but so far one week and I’m still struggling.

When I last wrote, I was talking about searching for my blog voice.  I haven’t had much time to work on that lately, but I have had some words I just need to get out.

I’ve been proud and upset with myself these past few weeks.  First, I’ll share my concerns.  That way I can end the blog with an upside, the proud moments.

Reason’s I’m bummed with me:

  1. My eating is way out of control.  This is mainly due to being tired (more on that soon).  When I’m tired, I carb load like I’m getting ready to run back to back marathons.  Every time I’m within 10 feet of the kitchen, I grab a handful of pretzels or crackers.  And I have a loaf of beautiful, tasty, gorgeous banana peanut butter chocolate chip bread in the freezer that at least once a day I left thaw a bit and dig in.  I eat it without slicing, just with a fork, so I’m sure I get more than my fair share of servings.  But around 2pm or so, I’m carb loading for my big evening in.  I know I’m not the only one who does this – but it’s crazy hard to fight, as many of you know.
  2. Being tired.  I know it sounds weird to be upset with yourself for being tired, but I am.  I wish I had more energy.  I’m not sleeping well, for many reasons, so that plays a role.  My new work schedule actually makes me on the go more than I was before, so I’m on my feet a ton during the day.  So by 4pm, my feet and legs are achy from tiredness.  I could fall asleep at 9pm, but my husband won’t let me.  (Long story, I’ll explain another day.)  So I wake up tired, go through my day tired, and go to bed tired, even though I can’t sleep.  I’m tired of being tired!
  3. Stressing out.  I hate it when I get all worked up over anything, and I get worked up about a lot.  I try to keep things in perspective, but there are times, especially when I’m tired, that things get to me more so than they do normally.  People cut me off in traffic, I yell.  Long lines at the store, I get impatient and roll my eyes at anyone holding up the line (even the people who are being friendly and conversing with the cashier.  It angers me because their niceness is causing me 1 minute more of waiting – how insane is that!).  It makes me feel like a horrible, bad person.  I’m not mean, but when I stress out, I have mean tendencies.

strong

Now for the proud moments.  Now that I’ve torn myself down, I need to build myself up.

  1. Working out.  I’ve really upped my workouts lately and I’m surviving.  Even though I have some soreness after my workouts, I’m happy I’m progressing.  I’m even running some.  More on exercise details later.  But even when I’m tired and sad and just want to sleep on the couch all day, I get up and work out.  I’m proud of myself for that.
  2. Cooking most meals.  Except for last night when I hit the wall, I’ve been cooking nutritious meals for myself and my husband.  Usually when I’m upset, stressed, tired, I pout and either want to eat a bunch of junk food for dinner or no dinner at all.  But I’ve been fighting  my pouting, depressive tendencies and going on with life.
  3. Rolling with the punches.  Despite a few weak moments when I vent to the hubby, I really have been rolling with the punches that life has been throwing lately.  I have avoided major breakdowns, emotionally running away from my problems and withdrawal, which were my go-to defense mechanisms in the past.  I realize I’m having bad moments, and I think I realize why, and deal with them while continuing my life.  That’s a big deal for me.  A huge deal really.

So what do I take from this?  We all have good moments and bad.  And that’s ok.  Are there things I want to improve?  Absolutely!  I think my diet should be a main focus for me – to improve energy, sleep, stress.  Diet is key.  And a massage – a massage sounds wonderful, right?!?!

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